Juana Victoria

AN OPEN LETTER TO MY EX-BOYFRIEND

I started this blog for one reason and one reason only and that was to tell the world exactly what it was like to be in a long distance relationship (ergo, the blog title). Back then, all I ever wanted was to prove to everyone that a love so great can withstand the test of time(zone) and distance. So since that did not work out, I don’t see any point of keeping this blog. Needless to say, this will be my last post. My last rant. My last outburst. THIS WILL BE AN OPEN LETTER TO MY EX-BOYFRIEND.

Where do I even begin?

Well, I can tell you how it ended. I can. But I won’t because whatever happened was between me and him. As ugly as the break up was, I know in my heart that what we had was so extraordinarily true. It was the kind of truth that you’re afraid you’re never going to find again. And it was this same realization that haunted me for months after our break up.

The good thing is that I know a lost case when I see one. So I stopped trying. I stopped waiting. I stopped expecting. I stopped altogether.

But just when you thought you have moved on, just when you thought you stopped caring, you found out he is in a new relationship. What worsened the blow was when you found out that he was in a relationship with someone you know—his father’s wife’s sister and, AT THE SAME TIME, his sister-in-law’s sister. SICK right? I guess some people just do not know delicadeza. Tsk. (P.S. I don’t care if they read this. Everybody is thinking the same thing anyway. I’m just the only one who has the guts to “say it out loud”.) So to cut the story short, they got married. That was quick, I know. Did you know that a few months into our relationship, he also proposed marriage? I said no. You know why? It wasn’t because I didn’t love him. It was because I know I was worth the wait. And who, in their right mind, would want to get married in haste anyway? I didn’t want a grand wedding. I just wanted to have a wedding I deserved—prepared for and in church. So I guess that alone says a lot about the girl YOU just married. I rest my case.

But you know what consoles me? Simple. She will forever live behind my shadow. She will be compared to me. YOU will compare her to me. At night, when she sleeps in your arms, you will remember how right it felt when I was the one you’re cuddling with. When you meet up with her somewhere, you will remember how silly we must have looked as we smile at each other like crazy, as if we have not seen each other for years. She will never have that impact on you. When you say “I love you” to her, you will remember how we used to say that to each other and how often. When you video chat with her, you will remember how we talked for hours, how we played games, how we watched movies, how we even had a date—all on Skype. When you travel with her, you will remember how many sunsets we watched together and you will remember how much I loved each and every one of them. If you go on road trips with her, you will remember how we would look at each other, smile, and give each other a quick smack on the lips every time you reach a stop light. You will also remember how you love it when I help you eat your burger and your fries when you’re driving. On your monthsaries and anniversaries, when you post on her wall, you will remember how you publicly professed your love for me. You will use similar words with similar thoughts but they will never feel as real as it used to when you did it the first time. I don’t know if she already did but one day, trust me, she will ask about me and you will refuse to talk about it. I would tell you why but I guess you already know the answer to that.

As for me? I will remember, yes. But it will no longer haunt me. You know why? Because I know that between the two of us, you lost more. I can love somebody as much as I loved you (even more) but you will never be loved the same way that I loved you. It will no longer haunt me because I now know that a man who truly loves you will fight for you. Someone just did that for me. And of course, that wasn’t you. Boy, am I glad.

You were a waste. You wasted over three years of my life. Had I known, I would not have taken that risk over four years ago. I would not have chosen you. Do I sound bitter? Maybe I do. (I have every right to be.) News flash, I don’t care anymore.

Do I wish for you to be happy? No. You don’t deserve it. But you can try. You and your trying hard wife can both try. Who knows? Maybe after a while, your (especially your wife’s) efforts of uploading your pictures, will finally convince the world of how truly happy you both are. Until then, please listen to the sound of my laughter. Thank you.

This was an open letter to my ex-boyfriend. THIS WAS AN OPEN LETTER TO MR. LEONARD RODRIGUEZ CASTILLO.

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